Of Grass Dying

I have lived almost my entire childhood in an apartment house, growing up not touching anything related to gardening and that sort. I am completely useless when you tell me about planting vegetations on the "ordinary" house garden, nor do I have any background in maintaining an actual garden. Heck, I have never mowed a lawn before. I guess that is one luxury of living on an apartment.

All along the places in Perth, you can spot well-maintained green and soft pastured lawn, in opposition to the overly grown, long and ugly grass patches found everywhere in Malaysia. It is not easy keeping the lawn clean, some better-off folks would hire expensive gardeners to take care of such chores. The following is an example of the lawn along the steet I am living in now. Pretty neat and clean if you ask me.

There are also those not so well kept lawns around my area.

You see, my house I am renting now in Perth has a front lawn and a garden surrounding the whole house, sideways to the back. The area of the garden is considerably large, and given my lack of knowledge in gardening skills and my complete laziness the originally beautiful "green" environment the house inhibits from the surrounding has somehow turned quite unsightly. Since it is summer now, with the Australian sun of extreme heat, practically everything died off.

Recently, the agent in charge of the house came to have an inspection. Everything interior was fine, and she started to make some "interesting" comments on the "outside".



Agent: The lawn at the front of your house is full of dead leaves and branches.

Robin: What should I do?
Agent: Rack them, and fit them in the bags provided. And call the council to collect the bags.
Robin: ???????

***What I should have said instead***

"Why not chop off the tree that causes all the problems?? The falling leaves and branches are from the tree, if we rid the tree we surely have rid all the other troubles. CHOP that F**king Ugly-no-use-frigging-leaves and branches-shitting tree off !!!"

Agent: The grass of the garden at the back of your house is dying.

Robin: Yes, I can see that. What do you recommend me to do about it?
Agent: You need to water it every now and then.
Robin: ????? !!!!

***What I should have said instead***

"What the... why would I want to feed and grow the grass?? Water is very cheap isit? If that is so important to keep the grass alive, the owner of the house should install THIS... (see the picture below)"

"An automatic water sprinkler should solve the water deprivation of the grass !!! It is found everywhere anyway..."



Agent: It is your responsibility to keep the lawn and the garden clean.
Robin: Huh??? Ok, I will try to do so.....

***What I should have said***
"F**K responsiblity!! If this is my house, I will pour concrete on all the grounds surrounding my house. No space needed for soil and any type of living plants around my house. There, I do not have to do any maintaining shit you are talking about. You think people are so free isit? Nothing better to do.. everyday water the grass and pick up the dried branches and leaves?? Please lah !!! "


It has been a week or two since the visit, and expectedly, I have done nothing at all much about the grass or other things. I just could not move my heavy ass to do all those chores. I find them rather unnecessary and pointless.

Until something came in my house uninvited and stayed for the night.

Grasshopper: You killed all the grass outside, and I have no where else to stay. I have nothing to eat. I am hungry. Please do something about the lawn and garden !! You are taking my world away from me....

Robin: What the.... Like I care that much !! The hell with you !!!

Man, I wish I can answer this directly to the agent, like I did to the grasshopper.

First Day of Last Semester

Today marks the beginning of the end of my time in the ever-torturing-hell-bound University of Western Australia. As much as I look forward to the start of the semester, I just could not find myself anywhere as enthusiastic as I was when I first came to Perth. Somehow I felt that some things were not meant to be, and I am just a little out of place at the moment. Just a harmless honest feeling I have, that relunctantly held back my spirit and fire in me. of course the thought of waking up at 7am in the morning is what makes me lazy

Well, the day started anyway. As usual on the first day, the university will be jammed with people from God knows where, which is quite amusing when you look at the empty ghostly ample space that occupies the entire university towards the middle of the semester. Attendance has always been at the peak at the beginning of the semester, and at the very end of the semester, just to catch up on the lost tracks before the finals.

My schedule today has not been kind to me. Had class from the morning all the way to the afternoon, filled in between with meetings with project supervisors, head tutors and other normal errands that a student would do in the beginning of the semester.

The administration office did some mistakes in my enrolment, so I have to move my heavy ass down to the student admin to settle some stuff. My timing could have not been better. Just look at the line ahead of me.

And the line visible in the picture was the line OUUTSIDE the student admin office, you do not want to look what was inside. My guess was probably one hour of queue if I am lucky, might end up two hours, no kidding. So I decided to record down the time since I placed my ass along the other asses on the line.

Suddenly, a guy from the admin walked to the students lining at the very back (I was one of those at the very back) and asked what we need from them in advance, and see if he can do anything to get us out of the ridiculously long line. I told him the university did some mistakes in my enrolment, and I just have to change a few details. Surprise surprise, all was done there and then, with that admin guy recording down my student number and details. He said the confirmed changes will be mailed to me in a week or so.

Just like that, I was free to go.

Out of the insane queue. And look at the time.

I was only standing for 3 minutes. Like I said, the timing could have not been any better.

What a hectic day it was.

Dirt Cheap CD

In the quiet, slow moving city of Perth, the center for shopping is laid out on two primary adjacent, parallel streets, namely Hay Street and Murray Street. Almost every normal shopping items are avaliable there, and boths streets are overly congested with human traffic during the weekends especially. There are arcades that run in-betweens or connect both Murray and Hay Street, like Carrilon City and Piccadily Arcade. Those arcades consist of more than one floor of shopping area space, with lots more indoor shopping.

Carrilon City is one of the popular visits in the city center. Accessible via both Murray and Hay Streets (Carrilon city runs from one street to the other), this shopping arcade is known for the pricey items such as jewelries and designer cloths. The interiors and walkways are pretty much well decorated and built with a sense of class. There is also the Carrilon Food Court located at the Lower Ground level that caters a wide variety of food ranging from Asian to Italian Cuisines.

In my recent visit to Carrilon City, I found a shop which I have never quite noticed before. Dirt Cheap CD shop.

Usually I would not give much attention to such offers, because I can get all the cheap CDs supply I need back home in Malaysia where Piracy roams the land like birds flying freely. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit I do buy pirated goods, but hey, why not try the cheaper and more value for money alternatives? Anyway, the available music and movie titles offered by the pirated althernatives are somehow limited to the latest release and high demands. That is the reason why sometimes I still buy CDs and DVDs in Perth, though more expensive comparatively, but the titles just could not be found elsewhere, and definitely not in Malaysia. Some call it "rare items".

And so I walked in the store. For a store selling cheap CDs, this certainly looks very good. The music titles are sorted out by artist names alphabetically, from A-Z. I had a brief run through all the CDs from front to the back of the shelves, they have a unique collection, ranging from oldies, classics, to modern day music. The CDs start at selling price of reasonably cheap AUD 10, and up to AUD15 for newer releases. Though the collections are not up to the current release updated, there are plentiful of newly released albums, all selling at AUD10-15 only. Avril Lavinge, Bryan Adams, Nickelback, Mariah Carey, and some other artists that circulate the airwaves presently are all available in that shop. This is a great bargain, considering the similar original CDs selling at other place with much higher pricings, starting AUD20 and onwards.

Well, not only the shop is selling cheap CDs, but the sound system there is very lame as well. Just a mini hi-fi stanrd stereo component systems to power up the whole store. The two-way speakers lack of power and sound fidelity to bring out the "oooommmmp" of the music. This, after all is CHEAP.

I browsed through the C to D section of the collection, and found what I was eagerly searching for. Yeap, anyone who knows me well enough will figure this out already.

CELINE DION

She was the female vocalist who gave us the hits like "Beauty and the Beast", "Because You Loved Me" and the radio over-played single of all time "My Heart Will Go On". I love Celine Dion. She is my inspiration, her songs are often uplifting and motivating. I find her voice rather powerful and I have enjoyed her work all the way back since 1997. I saw a few of her latest albums like "Miracle" (2005) and "One Heart" (2003) selling at AUD10. Wow... given a choice bwtween pirated CD and original, I would definitely go for original, given that the pricing is as tempting as the one in this shop !!

Since I am quite a huge fan of Dion, I already have equiped myself with a handful of her past work, and collecting her albums has been one of my hobbies. The following is the list of my already-collected albums by Celine Dion:

"Celine Dion" - 1992 - Original Cassette Format

"Colors of my Love" - 1994 - "Burned CD"

"Falling Into You" - 1996 - Original CD Format

"Lets Talk About Love" - 1997 - "Burned CD"

"These Are Special Times" - 1998 - Downloaded Mp3

"All The Way" - 1999 - Original CD Format

"A New Day Has Come" - 2002 - Pirated CD from Kenyalang

"One Heart" - 2003 - 2003 - Pirated CD from Kenyalang

"A New Day, Live in Vegas" - 2004 - Original CD Format

Alright, looking at my records of Celine Dion songs, I do not think she is going to be very happy with me. Oh well, considering my financially broken status all these while, having cheaper alternatives for audio media pirated CDs lah... duh is definitely a blessing in disguise for me. Lecture me all you want on the copyright bullshits and all the why-I-should-buy-original crap, I just could not bloody afford original CDs. Pirated goods are simply Godsent.

Back to the Dirt Cheap CD shop, I found one Celine Dion French albun I have never seen before. It is titles "Amour", A french hits compilation of Dion's earlier works. This is a rare finding, and most probably wont be seen in Malaysia. Just for the price of AUD10, why not?

This is a two CD collection some more !!! Super-Deal !!

I am listening to the songs from the CDs now, and I do feel weird, because those are French songs. I have not a slightest idea on French, and I gotta admit the music is alien to me. But hey, as long it is Dion, and the way she carries the songs, I am purely satisfied with this purchase. There are two CDs, Original CDs, at only AUD10 !!

Dirt Cheap CDs indeed.

Of Penis and Ice-Cream

There are things in Perth that are done with special styles and presentation that none can be seen elsewehere. I have always loved the ice-cream food chains running around here, namely the Gelato or the Gelare. The freshly made flavours and not too sweet, yet smooth and rich texture of the ice-creams are something that one shall find extremely tempting in hot weather of Australian summer.

I went to Gelare last nite. And I noticed something interestingly familiar. This poster hung on the decorative wall vividly reminds me of something rather similar. Something, more pleasing to the body and soul than just taste buds and sweetness of the creamy confectionary served in scoops. Something, so irresistably wrong.

Oh man, look at the lips. Thick, wet, juicy... *slurp* *slurp* Now is this supposed to increase my cravings for ice-cream, or the other way round? See it whichever way you like, but I call this artistic and purely creative !! Definitely something you shall not see in Malaysia. If you are such an idiot and still could not get what that picture illustrates, go find yourself a pair of scissors, chop your penis off (in case you are a girl, find the nearest guy to you, and chop his penis off) and go to a mirror, holding the penis near your lips. Yeah, that should roughly give you the idea.

The ice-cream dummies, also in the similar shape with the one in the poster. Man, I have never really paid attention to the ice-cream scooped shapes, until last night. Yes, believe me, they CAN make the ice-creams look like... look like....

THIS.

My yummy-licious Swiss Chocolate Caramel flavour Ice Cream on a regular toasted waffle cone. Phewwwwhh.. that is one hell of a long name. But hey, for the original idea on the "eroctically artistic" presentation, I give Gelare two thumbs up !!!




The shape of the ice cream cone may be similar to what I preciously own, but of course, mine is significantly more dominant in size. And mine does not melt in your mouth.

Free Penguin

Earlier on today there was the O-Day happening right in my university, UWA, at James Oval. This was the day when all the university clubs and organization come together to promote their clubs to the students, especially the freshies. The stalls were setup for the clubs, and the whole field was packed with so many people at the time I arrived. The clubs and organizations have very very interesting techniques in tricking and cheating luring the students into their clubs. Of course, like usual, I would play hard to catch.

People people people, everywhere !!




The dance club placed three girls to perform some moves to the background grooves, jumping up and down bouncing their boobs, sideways, rolling front and back, etc. I am sure Mariah Carey would be interested to learn some new styles. You gotta admit her dancing skills suck big time. Well, not that any of the girls in the red shirt can do much better.

Malaysia Students Union, placing two large concert sized speakers to turn any passerbys deaf. Noise polution was not exactly the best manner to gain more members, and hearing loss was not the best souvenier for the kind visitors to the stall. Man, look at the girls at the stall.... smiling so eagerly at my camera some more, they must have stuffed up cottons in their ears or something. How can they stand such high decibels ??

This poor fellow almost dropped off the clubs everytime he ended a session. More practise man, more practise.

Two guys, one playing Orlando Bloom and another Johnny Depp. With extra long vibrating dildos swords, stanced in fencing style. If you join this club, you can be either Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp too !! Wooo hoooo

Some people can get overly excited over the whole event, and got themselves wet instantly. What a good way to tell your potential customers the climatic satisfaction that your club can truly offer.

Japanese Kendo !!! The costumes are way cooler than the pirates !!! They covered up their body until you could not even tell if your opponent is a male, female, or somewhere halfway in between. I guess this makes our critical body components less likely to be targeted. Of course, Kenny Sia would still not be able to fully hide his coconut balls, and it is a free, open target.

I did have a purpose attending the O-Day. I have been wanting to join the OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship) for a long time, and could not move my heavy ass to do so. I was looking for the OCF stall, and it took me at least 2 full rounds before I found their stall. I signed up for OCF, and got myself invited to the open BBQ at Mathilda Bay tomorrow. Free dinner, how can I say no?? Can you?


Unexpectedly, Optus Mobile Service had a stall right in the middle of the raging wars between university clubs and organisations fighting for members amongst each other. Coincidentally I ran out of credit, so I had to take advantage of this convenience. I got myself a AUD30 reload credit.

Optus was my choice of mobile service due to the free calling minutes they offer. In the plan I chose, I had free 300 minutes calling time to any Optus Prepaid users, anytime, anywhere in Australia. By the way, most of the people I know in Perth are using Optus Prepaid.

And along with the card I bought, came a lot of things.

FREE FREE FREE !!! I got 3 free reloads of AUD2 each !!! Wooo hooooo... Spent AUD30, and got AUD6 rebate !!!

Two writing pens. I have enough pens already, but hey, anything free given away is always welcomed.

And a squeezable penguin not-so-soft toy.

How I wish that would happen if I squeeze the penguin. That would be so cool.