Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The End Story


Brace yourself. This will be one hell of a long entry.

I have finally caught up with my much loss of breath, and able to sit down and look at things more objectively. To be honest, at the moment I am still feeling shaken with the passing of my beloved father, but I have come in terms with what happened, and taking my slow but steady steps to accept the truth. He is no longer with us, and I must do what I can, however I can to walk on.

I have promised in my previous entry that I will elaborate on what actually happened. So here in this entry, I shall do the best I can not to bore you with the details, but knit in the essential parts of the story for you guys.


*click* image to see its awesomeness




1) IN THE BEGINNING

My father was born with an unusual heart condition with some arteries being intertwined with each other, creating a massive blood clog that adversely affected the blood pumping efficiency. He underwent a series of torment under such conditions, and only heart surgery can fix the problem. Nevertheless, half a century ago, heart surgery was not exactly a common thing, and people would cringe at the idea of opening up one of the crucial organs in the body that keeps a person alive !! Medical advancement was not up to the level that heart surgeries can be performed at minimal risks, and obviously, it also painfully cost a dozen of bombs.

Numerous surgeries have been performed, and none has helped his heart complications. He was even flown to Singapore and finally referred to Hong Kong for more expert aid in such complicated medical condition. The doctors told the family that he would not survive the age of 18, and the chances of survival for his surgery back then was only 30%. If the doctor told you he would cut your heart open and you have 70% chance of dying, would you take the risk?

*click* image to see its awesomeness




For some unexplainable miracle, God has always been gracious and granted my father a chance to live on and he lived through the operation. He has a pacemaker planted next to his heart to regulate the heartbeat. His heart basically was too weak to function effectively on its own, hence the pacemaker was an electronic device connected to the heart to aid in adding pressure to the blood flow, hence pumping the blood more efficiently.

From the given "deadline" at the age of 18, my father has gone through remarkably long life, surpassing the expectations of the doctors. He has got a steady job, married to my mother, had me as a child, and raised this family.


2) THE FINAL HOURS

I was home in Kuching the week before my fathers passing, and he was still completely healthy, or at least not showing any signs of weakening in health. He was in his usual charm and self, still able to chat and laugh hysterically to me and mum. Nothing unusual was suspected. I spent a great deal of time with my family, and returned to Kuala Lumpur for work.

*click* image to see its awesomeness

*click* image to see its awesomeness



Then on Thursday (7th May) night I called my mum and I could hear his voice shouting in the background, though I could not hear what he was saying clearly. Even then, everything seemed alright.

Then the following morning, as I was on my way walking to the office, I received a call from my mum, with the sobbing tone, telling me that my dad has been admitted to the emergency room. I almost had a heart attack !! My mum said in her mumbling/sobbing tone which I somehow managed to make sense, that father could not wake up that particular morning, my mum tried all sorts of way to wake him, but he was just lying there unconscious.

My heart sank knee deep as my mum was telling me the rest of the details through the phone.

I immediately took the day off and rushed all the way home, packed as quickly and lightly as I can and flew to the airport, and bought the next plane ticket out from KL to Kuching. The soonest flight I could manage to purchase was at 12.55pm, and I unhesitantly took it. The process of waiting was killing me, and just half an hour before the plane took off, I got the final bad news.

My mum called, and told me my dad was no longer with us.

The doctor said his heart just gave up. Just like that.

In just approximately 12 hours ago, I heard his voice loud and clear in the background when I was chatting with mum on the phone.

In just 6 days ago, I was still having lunch with him. I still remembered his last words.

"When are you coming back to Kuching again Robin?"

I said.. "I am not sure.. depends on the availability of cheap tickets."

I still remember his smile to me that day.

Oh father, why did you have to leave us so soon?? Why did you not warn us at all?

I never had the chance to say goodbye. All I have now, are tears for a lost father who has gone to a place that I can no longer follow.

In a way, my heart ached in so many ways that I do not think many of you would be able to imagine.

*click* image to see its awesomeness

*click* image to see its awesomeness



3) THE AFTERMATH

It was at times like this, that we witness the hand of God, and the bond of family bringing people together, from near and far. My dad has a lot of siblings, and all of them, with their respective families, and even extended ones were present at almost all times, offering support and encouragement to me and my mum. They took charge of almost everything, from funeral arrangements, making important calls, to the published orbituary in the newspaper... the way everyone worked together and did what they could for my dad, was astounding.

Thank God, the funeral, and almost everything else went smoothly without any major issues. The funeral was on Saturday (9th May) 2pm, and there were many unexpected faces, from my dad's old friends as well as colleagues.

This sudden, and unexpected death has brought upon a lot of works that needed immediate attention. For the past following few days, my mum and I have been rushing to places, and settling some important stuff, which would usually follow after such event.

*click* image to see its awesomeness


*click* image to see its awesomeness




So how am I holding up?

I am ok, I can assure you. I am heartbroken, yes. I am sad, yes. I feel torn, and directionless for a moment there. I do not remember having cried so much in so many years. The death was certainly overwhelming.

I really must Thank God for somehow, handling me the the one miracle week I have had in Kuching. I came back because there were RM9 flight tickets on Air Asia, and I thought this would be a nice time to spend it with family since I have been gone from home for so long. Little did I know, those were the final moments of my dad here with us. I could not have asked for anything more, it was definitely one week well spent with dad.

If I was not home for that one week, I think I must have beaten myself up badly now.

I am letting dad go now. He may have left us unexpectedly, but I am sure the Lord is taking care of him now. After all the labor and hardship he has gone through, especially regarding his medical condition, I am sure he is in a better place.


4) THE THERAPY

Today is the 6th day since the day my father died, and I have finally got the courage to move myself out of the house. It was getting depressing, hence I needed my one and only therapy: SHUTTER THERAPY !!

*click* image to see its awesomeness




Thanks very much to Allen, who came responding to my need to go shooting. You may have your ways to deal with your grief, but mine was through photography. It was also soothing to be clicking my camera shutter button again, after not touching it ever since the previous visit home to Kuching more than a week ago.

On photography side of things, all photos were taken with the pancake, Zuiko 25mm f/2.8 lens. I regretted not bringing home the standard kit zoom lens for the wide angle end of coverage, but like usual, I made the best out of what I have, and did what I can to get the shots. Yes, you can use the pancake lens for general walkabout shooting, and it does very good landscape shots too.

We shot at two places just over the sunset, one at the library at Petra Jaya, and another at the river banks overlooking the city from across the river. We arrived at the riverbank a little late, hence the sky was already too dark.

Despite the fact of not having my standard wide zoom lens, I do think the shots come out pretty alright. It is amazing how refreshing it feels snapping some pictures after all those time wallowing in my room.


*click* image to see its awesomeness



5) FINAL NOTES

To every one of you who have sent your condolences either in person, through mail, phone-calls, texts, IM chats, and the comments in the previous entry, I sincerely thank you all. Thank you so much for your kind words, and thoughtful prayers, I sincerely appreciate them. In times like this, going through those messages does help a great deal in healing. That meant a lot to me, and again guys, thanks.

To my father, "May you find rest and peace in the hands of our God". You will always be loved and remembered. You will live in me, and your wonder and work will shine through me.

Goodbye, from your dearest son.

17 comments:

  1. i'd like to join your special "shutter retail therapy" too, but I wasn't invited :(

    Glad to know you've enjoyed yourself with Allen. Hope you're feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey brandon,
    it was a sudden thing, aahaha besides when we were out it was during office hour.
    Dude, get a mobile number man.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My condolences to you and your family.. Good to see you're feeling better now. I've been through it as well, so I know exactly how you feel. Take care, dude.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hey raymond,
    thanks mate !! Gosh, hope you are doing ok too.
    Cheers, I will survive, do not worry.

    ReplyDelete
  5. robin, u are so strong. i'm sure those who have read your blog will now know to treasure every single moment with loved ones. it's been said so many times but u don't actually realize it until it happens and by then it is too late. i'm glad u had a special week with your father. it is truly a gift.

    -Marcus

    ReplyDelete
  6. hey marcus,
    thanks !! Yeah, that week was truly special, I could not ask for anything better than this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dewd...I'm sorry to hear about your lost...Glad to know you're coping fine... Will see you soon in your latest post or in KL.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hey eugene,
    thanks man, im doing ok, no worries.
    Yeah, will be in KL soon. Lets go for shutter therapy !!

    ReplyDelete
  9. been really busy, and I didnt manage do much blog hopping.. but finally did it today... thankfully.

    ANyway, reading your post reminds me a lot of my dad, and how I should appreciate him while he is still around. I find that I had this warm fuzzy feel when I read this post, and the beautiful pictures youve included does nothing much to make me feel very much in your shoes. In fact, this post got me thinking....

    Glad to hear you are coping well bro, and let the fond memories of your dad be with you always.

    ReplyDelete
  10. hey cyril,
    glad to find another person being able to relate to me.
    Thanks man, and yeah, my dad lives in me always.

    ReplyDelete
  11. People come people go.
    It is the pictures that had been capture that retains its memories.. ^.^

    Nice job there Rob! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. hey shinky,
    true, people come and people go.

    ReplyDelete
  13. robin!!

    first off, my condolences. i didn't know that your dad passed away. i'm so so sorry. i wish i was there to visit you. i hope everything is as ok as it can be for you and your family at this point in time.

    i just felt that it was fated for you to visit your family a week before he passed on...at least you got to spend some time with your parents.

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  14. hey silveraven,
    thanks, its ok, its been over a week now and things are starting to pick up its pace. I am ok now, we have gotta walk on right?

    ReplyDelete
  15. He had gone to a better place, entered another phase of life.

    ReplyDelete