“Nothing’s comforting in change.” Joshua, Lifehouse
It has come to the near-end of the year again, when everything started to slow down and there were moments I would just sit still and set my mind to wander against the clock, remembering all the significant events that have happened in my life throughout the year as if it was a video playback inside my head.
It is time for reflection.
A lot has happened, a lot has changed. Most of the parts I went through I have had not much choices, but limited to where the wind of fate chose to propagate me to. I admit there were times I felt as if I was being forced to walk down a certain path, or make certain decisions without having much say whatsoever. In the end, I was only left with the consequences; some would trail me for the rest of my life.
I guess the biggest change this year, also the most difficult would be the change in career. The contract for my previous job in Perth ended, and not having a PR, it was almost impossible to hunt for a job there. My family wanted me to return to Malaysia as well. I returned with a very heavy heart, and pursued an entirely different career path in KL. It was not easy starting all over again right from the beginning especially at a new place where I was not familiar with at all. After listening to the disheartening stories on how astonishingly cruel and harsh life can be working in a big city, it was not exactly the most exciting decision I have made. But I made the decision, and here I am in the big city, threading a completely different line of work (previously Structural in residential developments, currently Geotechnical in mostly commercial projects) and making my way through the busy-ness of the rush hours to the office everyday.
The second most significant point in this year, would be giving up the empire I have built over the years in Perth. I believe it is not where you are that matters, but the people around you that truly hit the counts. There were many circles of friends I have formed over duration of time, and some have become close and precious to me. While I am losing touch with my older generation friends from Malaysia, I have gained many wonderful ones in Perth. There were tennis buddies, shopping buddies, DOTA kakis, blogger friends, uni friends, and also the really really awesome church friends. Sadly, all that have been unwillingly left behind and I am now moving on to a totally new, alien environment.
The third, but the most interesting development in my life would definitely be my unexpected sudden jump into the world of photography. After my old compact camera died, with some savings earned from my previous job, I got myself a DSLR. That was the starting point, and it went deeper and deeper and deeper… and it just does not seem to want to stop !! Call it an obsession, but I see it as a result of coping with my situations and dealing with all the changes. Every time I went out for photo shooting, my mind was taken off from all the worries and burdens as I was trying really hard to lock on that precise focus. Photography has become a drug, a sort of temporary cure. Although the problems will not go away, but at least I can still hold myself together, and smile with contentment at the end of the day. Picking pieces of this up, little by little, I gained just enough strength to move on with my life. The way I see it, things could have been worse if I chose more harmful ways to deal with my problems.
After all those times of learning and pushing myself in taking photographs, it is rewarding to finally get a handful of positive feedbacks on my work. I take pride in this, though my photography skills may still fall short of the pros, but I am glad I have come this far because all I am able to do now were self-taught. I guess this is one good trait in me that many people do not know of, I may not learn very fast, but given time and patience, in the end I am usually very good at what I am doing.
I do not give up easily.
So the big question now that everyone is asking is how am I doing now?
To be honest, things have gotten a lot better over the past couple of months. The people I have known through work are tremendously lovely !!! I guess this could be a rarity itself working in KL, and I am starting to appreciate the good things around me. In less than two weeks, I already know everyone by their names, and this was a stark contrast in comparison to my previous company in Perth where I worked for over 6 months and embarrassingly did not even know half of the staff there.
And I have also come to believe, after all I have gone through this year, it takes time before the bigger picture will be fully revealed. While a lot of people, even myself sometimes were led to believe that leaving the job in Perth behind and coming back to Malaysia was not exactly the best thing that could happen since everyone is pretty much trying to get out of the country. In contrary to that, take a good look at how things have turned out in the end. With such horrific turn of economic conditions in Australia now, it would take more than a miracle for me not to be retrenched, since I was one of the few who did not possess a PR. Losing a job at such critical time would have caused even more depressingly severe consequences. Subsequently it would not be that easy to hunt for a job now in Malaysia as compared to half a year ago. Therefore, if you care enough to view the picture in full, you will realize that, somehow there is a pattern running through all the things that have happened in my life leading me up to this point.
“Whatever that have happened, have happened, and could not have happened otherwise.” Morpheus, the Matrix Reloaded
For that, if you see what I see, things were not that bad at all in the first place. Sometimes, you have to be forced out of your happy zone in order for you to see what is really out there. It is either you resist the change, and be miserable all you want, or adapt to it as quickly as you can and make the best out of your life. There is no time for regrets, because everything happened for a reason and even if you do not see it now, it does not matter. Persistence and perseverance (I am still struggling with these) are not easy to practise, but if you succeed in making them a part of your life, you would most probably succeed in everything you do already.
So people, how have your lives been so far? Any lesson learned to be shared?