One more day before.... the year 2007.
The year 2006 is ending, but the trauma is not.
To be honest, I have not done any new year resolutions ever in my life before, and I am not planning to do one this coming year. I still remember back in secondary school, when my teacher asked us to write an essay about our New Year resolution.. and I stuck my hand up and embarassingly asked "Teacher, what is resolution?" I guess half of the class cracked back then.
I have nothing against resolutions. Like I have nothing against being nude walking around on the beach. I just feel that there is no need for me to have a list of things I want to accomplish, knowing well that I would jot down stuff that I only wish I could do but in the end ended up achieving nothing. Would that not look bad and unmotivating? There is also the question of lack of discipline and drive in determination. Nevertheless, I admit one of my weaknesses is not being able to look far ahead. Short-sightedness has caused me great deal of problems.
Like everyone else, I have dreams. Beautiful, and wonderful dreams. Much imagination power was invested on living the dream, rather than planning and making the dream happen. I live the day as it is, grasping the moment, seizing whatever opportunity that comes by, but never really plan that much further than that. We cross the bridge when we come to it. On the brighter side, there is no poiny worrying so much when there is nothing much I can do, but in reality, pushing aside worries and procrastinating can very well lead to grim consequences.
I appear to be rather happy looking kind of person, cheerful always, and care-free in all occasions. I am genuinely happy if you caught me laughing, and I am truly sincere when I do smile, though people have mistaken me for faking my smiles all the time. However, I am nothing, but just an ordinary boy. I can get hurt too, I have my worries burdening me wherever I go, and I fall down from time to time. The fact that I appear to be ok and happy all the time has blinded most people around me to notice the sadness and difficulties I am going through. Most of the time when I fall, everyone thought I would be ok, so they kept on walking on and leaving me to get up by myself and catch up with them. I do not mind actually, but what if I was hurt so bad that, I could not get up on my own, and I was terribly left behind that no one even saw me faltering? Would I drown in my own pool of blood and be it too late when people start to realize there was something wrong?
The point is, I do have my issues, I have my problems. Some very troubling ones. Heck, everyone does, and I choose to brush them aside, when I think I do not have to deal with them. There is no point showing the 20 cents face and sulk all day long, while venting out the negative emotions, as if the world will end soon enough. I choose to be happy for everyone around me, and I do every little and simple things that I can to show that I am happy, and share it. No, I am not being pretentious, I am just doing what I think is best, and generally wise. The dissapointing part is, people have taken me lightly. I do not expect much sympathy or attention from anyone, but sometimes, I really need understanding.
In the end, when all the worries and problems that I set aside/procrastinate come back to find me, I could be struck down just like that. And no one seems to care.
The new year is coming, and I can sense that all those traumas will be repeating themselves again. It happens again and again... and I am starting to get tired of being the victim all the time.
This coming year, something has got to change. Something has got to give way.
I will end the trauma, one way or another.
Happy New Year 2007 to everyone !! May you all have a good and blessed year ahead !
Side Note: People will make some noise if I do not get some of my pending entries up soon. There were the bloggers meet with Merv Kwok, meet with Wuching, and also, the coming New Year Eve Countdown celebration. I shall do my best to update those entries soon.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Another Year Over
One more day before.... the year 2007.