Monday, July 24, 2006

The Gay Factor

Recently this humble blog of mine has earned a decent review from, done by one of the admin staff: Merv Kwok. This blog has been running for approximately 3/4 of a year, and signs of readership has slowly but steadily gone up ever since. I have changed my template/skin not too long ago switching from the default layout design offered by Blogger, to something more customized to suit my personal taste and allow some originality of this site. Creativity has never been my best trait, not in the contents of my entries, not in my graphic design skills. For most of the times, I have been striving to achieve simplicity.

This blog has always been a "personal" blog, blogging on personal events that happen around my life, the people I meet, the things I see, the food I eat, the places I go to, etc etc... however I find it rather interesting when the review mentioned that my blog does have strong elements suggesting the "mainstream" blogging style. I believe what I have always tried to do was to keep my entries as conversational as possible, keeping an open audience in mind. I have emphasized again and again to my fellow friends and bloggers that this blog has always been a peaceful blog, not associated with whatever issues or dramas of the Blogosphere, and shall remain uniquely Robin no matter what happens.

More into the deeper details of the review, it mentioned the overall satisfaction with the general outline and layout of this blog design, with the right selection of colors to the arrangement of the individual elements. Having this as a feedback brings a great relief, since I do actually like this template design very much in comparison to the previous one. I like the clean white background and slight hint of orange a little there and here, and I strongly believe that the header suits the entire theme of the blog: Just a boy, just an ordinary boy, but he was looking to the sky. I am just a normal person, but I have always been looking forward to live an extra-ordinary life. I have always been wanting to be part of something special, something much bigger than what I am in now.

All in all, I was awarded three out of five... errr.. cigarettes

I guess the review has been very straightforward and honest, and I generally agree with basically everything that was pointed out, except for one tiny detail. The comment was referring to the following photo, which is the same photo I am currently using as my profile photo on my sidebar....

The part of the review mentioned:

"Picture on the sidebar has to go. It’s not cool or even dumb. It’s just limbo. It’s a bit like it’s floating in limbo"

Alright, there is actually a whole long story to that odd-looking picture on the sidebar that seems to be "just limbo". But before I actually go into the details of the story, allow me to highlight some of the rather unusual and unsuspecting comments that I received from various people right after I posted the picture up.

Some questioned my sexual orientation.....
Ivan: Confirm, Robin is "ghey"....

Some expressed their near heart attack experience.....
fh20: That picture almost scared the daylight out of me.. what happened???

Some was surprised by my talent...
Jon Ling: Goodness gracious, Robin is a stripper !!!

Some even threatened to ditch my blog...
Jason: Take that picture down or I wont come to your blog again....

Some questioned the identity of the person posing for the picture
Shaz: Hey.. That picture on your sidebar looks totally different from your other pictures, you sure thats you??

And some.. even complimented my looks...
Hot Chick: Oh My GAWD !! Robin you are so so HOOOTT !! *drool*

Alright, obviously I made the last one up, but hey, how I wish that could happen...

It was in one of those nights in the final few weeks before my thesis submission that I have probably have not much sleep at all for consecutive days, staying awake as much as I could to rush my overly behind schedule thesis. Back then, I was super stressed out, and frustrated over the pressure of such enormous workload that probably would have damaged half of my brain cells already. It was during that 5am in one of those mornings that I have actually hit a saturation point, and could not go on anymore. I almost freaked out.

What I usually do when I am panicking?? I would do something that is totally not related to the thing that brings me panic attack. The nearest thing I could thing of was my baby camera. At the ungodly hour of 5am in the morning, what can I actually photograph?? Of course, nothing but myself. Hence I created some "interesting" shots of my self-portraits, equipped with the tripod I had, and picked the "most interesting" looking picture out of the bunch. I said to myself, I am half crazy now, if I do not do something soon, most of those interesting photos will be deleted once I gained my sanity back. I must do something to actually show the world what kind of stress I was in. And so in that very morning also, the photo was uploaded. I still could not believe I did it, but to tell you the honest truth, I think I was not completely myself when I did that. Speaking of confessing a temporary insanity..

I am still irked off when I see myself in that picture. However, that picture shows more than just the crazy side of me that has been very well suppressed all this while. I was in such an extreme stress and pressure that I could actually break down. University stress can be more serious that people would give an estimation for, and when a student does not get any sleep at all worrying about the same thing (thesis) all over again and again 24/7, ugly things can happen. That picture may not be who I am, but it clearly indicated of what I have become traveling this engineering path which by now I have come to conclude that I was never meant to walk with.

Therefore, that picture shall remain there for a very, very long time. It shall serve as a reminder of the horrible pain I suffered and what I am capable of when I partially lose my mind. At least I did not turn amok and say "meow" to everyone around me. Oh wait, I already did that, and people are actually starting to get scared of that. But thats not the point, I have been able to control myself well enough up to this point of life, and I know that I will continue to do so. I have survived, and I shall not be struck down easily.

So you see, the picture actually fits the blog perfectly, though people would not get the whole idea and story behind it. After all this is a personal blog, like I mentioned earlier.

Oh ya, by the way, I managed to get a "D" for my Thesis. However, I still think it is not worth losing my sanity over it.

Side note: I am still perfectly sane. For those of you who think that D is a horrible grade, you can find 10 pins of needles, mix it with a glass of drink, and gulp it down your throat as fast as possible. It is a Blardy Distinction if you still do not get it by now.

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  1. I STILL HATE that picture!!!
    Somehow it's just NOT you lah!
    I'll call a spade a spade and repeat - It's DUMB and UNCOOL! No offence okie?

    So jarring as compared to the personality and 'soul' displayed in your postings of the 'real' Robin. I don't care what you think but I HATE it!

    But then again it's YOUR Blog despite this picture that REALLY REALLY REALLY PUTS ME OFF!!!

    I really LIKE you but HATE the darn pic! It actually puts me coming back ... It IS THAT BAD kiddo! Trust me unker knows! ;)

  2. I still feel it's floating in limbo. Haha

  3. I don't really care of the review made about your blog. I just love every single posts that potrays your unique lifestyle in Perth. And hey, congratulations for your Distinction! Now you're officially a civilised enginner. :D

  4. hey wuching,
    ahahaa.. take a pick..

    hey fh2o,
    ahahhaa.. too bad then, that picture has its purpose, and it shall remain there.

    hey merv,

    hey Kenjj,
    thanks a lot !! yeah, i wonder how civilised can sn engineer be...

  5. Haha, I'm one of the few people that like the picture. Does that make me a chio bu?? =D

    But I have to agree, it really isn't you. Muahaha, you reallllly look different in real life.

  6. hey cynical idealist,
    yeah, thats the point, u see how much stress can change people !!!

  7. big YAY for the distinction mate :) Well done! -C

  8. Hee hee, since so many other people have less than nice comments, I shall reveal mine.

    "That picture makes me feel icky."

  9. hey skyler,
    thats what the picture is supposed to do. still feeling the same way?

  10. now, go get a review from italktoomuch. Those blardy bitch is really rude!

  11. hey hijackqueen,
    harr?? what review site is that?? ok i go check it out...