Opening the letter....
I do not know why, but the words in the letter did affect me deeply. In case you wonder which part I was refering to.... here are the few striking words that blew me off...
I know I know, most of you would come to me and say, hey, graduation is not such of a big deal anyway, many people have it, so what is the fuss? Well, for those of you who do not know me that well, or do not know me at all, let me tell me a little about my background.
I come from a considerably lower end family with incomes barely scrapping its way to survive the monthly family expenses. Therefore, right from the beginning of time, it was all clear that this poor child shall never accomplish anything beyond high school, or college. University education was definitely out of the question. However, sometimes, things that people so often called miracles do happen there and here. I am truly thankful to God that I am given this chance and opportunity to walk this path where I am leading now. I am truly proud of my parents for what they have done for me and in me. They have provided so much to me that I could not have asked more from any other ordinary parents out there. Their love and understanding is unsurpased by any others that I have come across.
Of course there are people in the overall family who are against the intention of me studying in a foreign country. The ugliness of the long family history shall not be revealed in this blog. But I shall outline the general challenges that still upset me till this very day.
Relative A said (in hokkien originally) "if your butt is not made of gold, do not sit on the seats made of gold"....
To me, the remark is rather cold and pierces right through the very sensitive part of any human feelings. What the comment simply tries to imply is of me and my family not being able to afford such expensive education in Australia for me, why go through all the trouble and difficulties? Why not just study locally in Malaysia? Is not the education system in Malaysia as good, since ultimately I will be returning to Malaysia to work anyway? Gosh, I have so many relevent and practical explanations to those questions, but hey, I do not prove a thing. I do not have to make myself a slave so such an insulting and devastating comment.
Relative B said "I seriously doubt his (me of course) potential to even get into the foreign university. Even if he does, I would chop my head off if he can survive it there."
Now this is something I still resent today. Being looked down is one thing, but being traumatised by such words burning off every single bit of my dignity, it just felt so painful. I may not be a super-ace student, but it does not mean I should be held back from achieving my full potential. It does not give them the right to take my dream away !!
I am not saying that I have horrible people in my roots. Heck I believe generally those people are everywhere and in most families, causing all sorts of undesirable troubles in any forms they could think of. They are like weeds, you just cant really get rid of them, they will crawl their way back to you. Why care about what others think you say? Well, if I am to fulfill this dream, but everyone else around me is againts that dream, it just makes the dream a little, no, not a little, but rather A LOT MORE difficult to achieve. Not to mention the level of deteriotation on my motivation that those difficulties have caused. Emotional stress is never helpful in promoting progress and growth anyway.
Please lar, for goodness sake, if you are not there to help, aid or support me through my difficulties in my education, please, I beg you do not dampen my already crushed spirit.
With God's will, and with sheer determination, I have come this far. My parents have always been there to support me. I have received wondeful inspiration from friends around me. From the little and simple things that I encounter in my every day life, I move on. I drew strength bit by bit from each meaningful encounter that I have. Gathering those motivation together, I move on. I move on and on and on.
And I have come to this point. I am now, a prospective graduand.
So to relative 1: When the day comes that my huge heavy ass is sitting on the Golden Throne, you will be the last one I would think and care of.
And to relative 2: Well, why is your head still attached?
Now, you guys know why the graduation means a lot to me. Yes, it means a HELL lot to me. It may just be another boring additional event to others, but to me this is something rather different. It is an accomplishment in my life that has been thought of as an impossible mission by many others.
Side note: Guys, sorry for the vague details there and here. I do not wish to elaborate further on these unnecessary details. Do not congratulate me yet, I will blog more on the REAL graduation itself as it comes nearer. As for now, the most important thing is to survive this final semester. I have a thesis to write and final papers to revise for. Please forgive me for my coming absence. Robinwong.blogspot.com shall not be updated as often as usual. But I am still floating around.