Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Of Grass Dying

I have lived almost my entire childhood in an apartment house, growing up not touching anything related to gardening and that sort. I am completely useless when you tell me about planting vegetations on the "ordinary" house garden, nor do I have any background in maintaining an actual garden. Heck, I have never mowed a lawn before. I guess that is one luxury of living on an apartment.

All along the places in Perth, you can spot well-maintained green and soft pastured lawn, in opposition to the overly grown, long and ugly grass patches found everywhere in Malaysia. It is not easy keeping the lawn clean, some better-off folks would hire expensive gardeners to take care of such chores. The following is an example of the lawn along the steet I am living in now. Pretty neat and clean if you ask me.

There are also those not so well kept lawns around my area.

You see, my house I am renting now in Perth has a front lawn and a garden surrounding the whole house, sideways to the back. The area of the garden is considerably large, and given my lack of knowledge in gardening skills and my complete laziness the originally beautiful "green" environment the house inhibits from the surrounding has somehow turned quite unsightly. Since it is summer now, with the Australian sun of extreme heat, practically everything died off.

Recently, the agent in charge of the house came to have an inspection. Everything interior was fine, and she started to make some "interesting" comments on the "outside".

Agent: The lawn at the front of your house is full of dead leaves and branches.

Robin: What should I do?
Agent: Rack them, and fit them in the bags provided. And call the council to collect the bags.
Robin: ???????

***What I should have said instead***

"Why not chop off the tree that causes all the problems?? The falling leaves and branches are from the tree, if we rid the tree we surely have rid all the other troubles. CHOP that F**king Ugly-no-use-frigging-leaves and branches-shitting tree off !!!"

Agent: The grass of the garden at the back of your house is dying.

Robin: Yes, I can see that. What do you recommend me to do about it?
Agent: You need to water it every now and then.
Robin: ????? !!!!

***What I should have said instead***

"What the... why would I want to feed and grow the grass?? Water is very cheap isit? If that is so important to keep the grass alive, the owner of the house should install THIS... (see the picture below)"

"An automatic water sprinkler should solve the water deprivation of the grass !!! It is found everywhere anyway..."

Agent: It is your responsibility to keep the lawn and the garden clean.
Robin: Huh??? Ok, I will try to do so.....

***What I should have said***
"F**K responsiblity!! If this is my house, I will pour concrete on all the grounds surrounding my house. No space needed for soil and any type of living plants around my house. There, I do not have to do any maintaining shit you are talking about. You think people are so free isit? Nothing better to do.. everyday water the grass and pick up the dried branches and leaves?? Please lah !!! "

It has been a week or two since the visit, and expectedly, I have done nothing at all much about the grass or other things. I just could not move my heavy ass to do all those chores. I find them rather unnecessary and pointless.

Until something came in my house uninvited and stayed for the night.

Grasshopper: You killed all the grass outside, and I have no where else to stay. I have nothing to eat. I am hungry. Please do something about the lawn and garden !! You are taking my world away from me....

Robin: What the.... Like I care that much !! The hell with you !!!

Man, I wish I can answer this directly to the agent, like I did to the grasshopper.


  1. Just do wat the agent say for god's sake!!

  2. hey Ivan,
    other owners provide gardenning services u know.... sigh...
    should have picked up a house without a garden.. save us a lot of trouble

  3. U can always tell when asians move into the neighbourhood from their houses - they cut down all vegetations and bloody concrete up every damn thing!

    No wonder the aussies 'love' 'em!

    Move into an apartment lah!

  4. hey fh2o
    wahahaa.. i guess I am just one of those lazy bunch of guys. I would love to move in an apartment, if it is any cheaper than the place i am staying in now....

  5. that's a gum tree which mean u can't chop it down or u'll get sued by the council, then again i thot the council's resposible for the nature strip..either ur farked! buy a goat.

  6. hey wuching,
    a cow sounds better to me !! Mooooo

  7. jz buy a few cans of green spray and spray all over the dead grass.. it's alive!!! LOL

  8. hey chun chow,
    siaw.. paint so expensive ler...